I'm honestly trying to sort out all my thoughts, and journaling helps me with that. After 34 years of life, 12 1/2 years of marriage and 20 months of going through the exhausting adoption process, we saw pictures of our kids for the very first time.

It came the same morning I was leaving for a worship leaders conference in Atlanta. Needless to say, I did not leave on time. I'd had a bad night of sleep...which translates to me sleeping on the couch (not b/c Erin makes me...just so I don't keep her up!). So I slept in much later than normal. At 8:00, I crawled off the couch and wabbled my way sleepily over to the laptop, wondering if maybe today could possibly be the day.

After four e-mails loaded quickly, one incoming message was taking forever to come in. I knew that our long-awaited e-mail would have several attachments to it, so I was trying to not get too excited. After all, we've been down this road before. Our hopes get up only to be let down, over and over again. When the e-mail came up, the message line said "FW: Matching File". But the e-mail address looked familiar, so I looked back at the e-mail we got when we received our referral and, sure enough, it was the same address. My heart was racing. My whole body was shaking.

I carried the laptop into the bedroom where Erin was sleeping. She rolled over and saw me standing there with the laptop and said "Did it come?!" I said, "I'm not sure. I think so!" So we slowly and shakily opened the e-mail and saw the pictures of our kids for the first time.

I was surprised to find myself NOT crying. I think I was just in shock. We made several phone calls and sent several texts and e-mails, and I took off a wee-bit late for my conference. It literally took about 45 seconds before I started breaking down.

And then last night, I had the privilege of worshipping the Creator of the Universe in an intense and powerful worship service. The One who has held us up through all of this. The One who has done the impossible in raising up the $30,000 needed to bring these kids home. The One who has shown us in dramatic ways just how faithful He is when we step out in faith to do what we believe He's calling us to do, knowing it will fail if He is not behind it. It didn't hurt that we were led by Chris Tomlin, Nathan and Christy Nockels and Matt Redman, or that Louis Giglio spoke.

And it was a great reminder of what I hope to be a constant them in our lives and in parenthood. And that is: It's not about us. And it's not about our kids. They are not everything. He is everything. Our kids will NOT be the center point of our lives. Yeah, they're going to be up there! But God is the head our household. We're bringing these kids home because of Him. And our kids are going to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God comes first in our family.

I slept VERY well last night.