November 22, 2010
Monday, 10:26 a.m.
My eyes might have been closed during the entire three songs. I was trying so hard to get into the right frame of mind and to think about power of the words I was lifting up. But the harder you try to worship, the further you get from it. It was just such a huge distraction for me, though I do think we succeeded in pulling off a time of authentic worship. People noticed the string breaking, but they moved on.
I didn't have any strings with me, so I had to drive home for a new one (thank goodness we live close!). On the drive, I was praying for God to use the worship despite the string, which of course is a silly thing to pray. We worship in response to God's movement, not in response to all the strings of a guitar remaining intact.
I also found myself praying for forgiveness for being so distracted. Another silly thing to pray. And then this thought popped into my head: Just because my head was in the wrong place doesn't necessarily mean my heart was in the wrong place. It was quite a comforting thought, really.
I think most people in my position would have been distracted. And I don't think God was all that concerned that I was having so much trouble focusing. What mattered to Him was my heart...and I'm proud to say that my heart was good. My intentions were good. My devotion had not wavered.
I think we tend to put a lot of undue stress on ourselves sometimes, trying so hard to do all the right things to make God happy, as if we could earn His love. Somehow, even though we all know better, we just can't get it through our thick noggins that God's main concern is our hearts, not our actions. Certainly, we should strive to please God. But what pleases God? Avoiding bad things and doing good things? Hardly. Our hearts trump all.
And not-so-surprisingly, at College Church last night, this is precisely what Michael Beaumont talked about. I say "not-so-surpsisingly" because I've noticed that this is how God does things when He's trying to teach me something. It keeps coming up. Over and over and over. And it's not coincidence and it's not that I'm just noticing it more because it's on my mind. It's because God is pursuing me relentlessly until I get it. So...thanks Michael for letting God use you (again).
How's your heart?
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