But I get reports that say that quite a few people are, in fact, reading these ramblings of mine. And for whatever reason, I think God wants me to keep doing it. After all, if He can use all the screwed up people we read about in Scripture to accomplish the unimaginable, it seems that He might just want to use my little 'ol inadequate self too. But trust me, if these words somehow affect you for the better, it's only the result of HIS movement to draw you into a deeper relationship with Him.

I must confess that I've let the busyness of adjusting to a life with kids affect my spiritual life. My mornings by the water before work are very difficult to squeeze in (I think I've done it twice since returning from Africa). And once the kids are in bed, I'm pretty wiped out and usually check out and go to be early to keep from getting too exhausted...because it's hard to connect with God very well when you're exhausted all the time.

In the past, my best times to really think and pray and read and focus have been first thing in the morning and before bed. Those times have been erased. The result? I've been left feeling spiritually dry. I'm yearning to return to the place I once was. I'm hungry for the deep intimacy I've known before. It's not a crisis in the sense of losing ones faith, but once you've tasted the goodness of constant communion with the Creator, it certainly feels like a crisis.

The truth is, it has nothing to do with our kids. Ellie and Elijah are INCREDIBLE and gifts from God, given out of pure grace. If anything, they should inspire me all the more to bow before Him. The heart of the problem is really a problem with the heart. I'm trying to come to grips with the simple truth that I have not made Him the main priority. Sure, He's been a priority, but one of many.

It makes me sick to my stomach to confess that to you. But I'm sure you can relate.

A lot of you reading this have kids and have hidden behind that excuse for far too long. I get it. It's HARD. You're spiritually dry, but what are you supposed to do? How can you find time for solitude and prayer and reading and serving when you have kids pulling at your legs, needing your attention from sun-up to sun-down with work in-between and a house that needs taken care of and bills that need paid?

You adjust. You refocus. You re-prioritize.

What will matter most in the end is not your kids. Hear me out on this and keep reading before you write me off. I'm not saying they're not important. Of COURSE they are. They matter more than almost anything else. All I'm saying is that what will matter the most in the end is Jesus. Not your kids. There can only be one thing that matters the "most" and I'm sorry, but your kids do not trump God. You cannot serve both God and your kids. When you're standing before Him, it will be much more clear to you than it may be right now. But I promise, in the end there won't be any doubt as to what you should have built your life around. Make your kids a priority, but make Him the priority. And in turn, your kids will learn what matters most from the example you've set.

So I'm adjusting my schedule. I'm not squeezing God into it. I'm building my schedule around Him. I'm listening to podcasts again. I'm reading books that motivate me. I'm praying more and taking time to think. I'm shutting off the computer more and leaving the remote untouched.

If you struggle with this, I can assure you it won't get better if you just sit there with good intentions. Act on them.