Church is not about what you get out of it. Somehow, we'd adopted this idea that the local church is there to meet our needs, but that was never the intent. And it's because of this mindset that we tend to "church shop" based off of what we like or don't like about the preaching, the music, the children's ministry, etc... We critique our services based on how we "felt" the morning went rather than whether or not WE brought our best to God.

"The little things that might irritate you about your church might not be as big of a distraction if your focus is on what you are giving of yourself, rather than on what you are getting out of it for yourself." (Cathy Little - "First Church of the Consumer")

And I might add that if you do in fact love your church, be careful that you don't let the church become a distraction from your relationship with God. That might sound weird to some of you, but I've seen far too many people who are obsessed with "my" church rather than "the" church or more importantly, God. They LOVE going to church, but not BEING the church. For them, it's all about the experience. They love singing the songs and the whole vibe the church puts off, and they love all the cool things it offers. And that's great! But while their relationship with the local church is great, their relationship with God is lacking quite a bit.

Either way, church isn't about YOU. It's about the God who created you. So, stop consuming and start giving.

For my friends who already go to church, you should definitely check out this article: First Church of the Consumer

Becoming an immediate father of two children who speak a different language, have several health concerns, and throw tantrums has been an adjustment. Many seem to think it's like a fairy tale and that we must be on cloud nine. And we are. Seriously, it been amazing, but that doesn't mean it's been easy. The transition is a lot for Ellie and Elijah to take in. Yeah, they're living a much better and healthier life...they live in America have a mom and dad now. They have toys, and food, and running water. They have a house, and warm beds, and clothes. But it was only 1 1/2 months ago that they had known nothing outside of a small orphanage in Rwanda Africa. It's a lot for them to take in and adjust to. So, while they've been adjusting and figuring out their new life, parenting has pretty much consumed us. We've loved it and anticipated most of it, but we've definitely been in survival mode.

I don't deserve any of it.

I need to spend more of my thoughts on what I have been given, and my life needs to reflect some gratitude for it. Life is good.

I'm honestly trying to sort out all my thoughts, and journaling helps me with that. After 34 years of life, 12 1/2 years of marriage and 20 months of going through the exhausting adoption process, we saw pictures of our kids for the very first time.

It came the same morning I was leaving for a worship leaders conference in Atlanta. Needless to say, I did not leave on time. I'd had a bad night of sleep...which translates to me sleeping on the couch (not b/c Erin makes me...just so I don't keep her up!). So I slept in much later than normal. At 8:00, I crawled off the couch and wabbled my way sleepily over to the laptop, wondering if maybe today could possibly be the day.

After four e-mails loaded quickly, one incoming message was taking forever to come in. I knew that our long-awaited e-mail would have several attachments to it, so I was trying to not get too excited. After all, we've been down this road before. Our hopes get up only to be let down, over and over again. When the e-mail came up, the message line said "FW: Matching File". But the e-mail address looked familiar, so I looked back at the e-mail we got when we received our referral and, sure enough, it was the same address. My heart was racing. My whole body was shaking.

I carried the laptop into the bedroom where Erin was sleeping. She rolled over and saw me standing there with the laptop and said "Did it come?!" I said, "I'm not sure. I think so!" So we slowly and shakily opened the e-mail and saw the pictures of our kids for the first time.

I was surprised to find myself NOT crying. I think I was just in shock. We made several phone calls and sent several texts and e-mails, and I took off a wee-bit late for my conference. It literally took about 45 seconds before I started breaking down.

And then last night, I had the privilege of worshipping the Creator of the Universe in an intense and powerful worship service. The One who has held us up through all of this. The One who has done the impossible in raising up the $30,000 needed to bring these kids home. The One who has shown us in dramatic ways just how faithful He is when we step out in faith to do what we believe He's calling us to do, knowing it will fail if He is not behind it. It didn't hurt that we were led by Chris Tomlin, Nathan and Christy Nockels and Matt Redman, or that Louis Giglio spoke.

And it was a great reminder of what I hope to be a constant them in our lives and in parenthood. And that is: It's not about us. And it's not about our kids. They are not everything. He is everything. Our kids will NOT be the center point of our lives. Yeah, they're going to be up there! But God is the head our household. We're bringing these kids home because of Him. And our kids are going to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God comes first in our family.

I slept VERY well last night.

Okay, okay. I'm a little edgy this morning. Drinking my coffee faithfully, but it would appear to be failing me. I'm finding this stretch of waiting for pictures of our kids to be rather emotionally draining. I'm tired of waking up morning after morning, knowing the e-mail might have come, only to be let down once agin. It wears on a person. I absolutely know without any doubt that God's got it. That His plan is best and that He knows what He's doing! I just want to see our kids' faces.

And then I read stories about RoboCop...or about how we're trying to build a 53 billion dollar high-speed train system...or about how Justin Bieber is unimpressed with our health care system, and I can't help but get frustrated. How have we gone so far off the mark? How is it that we can so easily turn a blind eye to things that actually matter, and instead become infatuated and fascinated by things that don't? We've proven that we're more than capable of pouring all kinds of energy and money money into something that matters to us (even if we don't have the money). It's just that the things that matter to us are often not the things that matter to God, and therefore are things that don't actually matter.

Did you realize that more than 38 of the 50 chapters in Genesis are all about Abraham and his family? I've been reading through it again, and I'm once again blown away at how cool and powerful God is. When He says something to going to happen, it's going to happen. You can't stop it. He is in control and knows all...and is ridiculously faithful.

This is a summery of those 38 chapters. Maybe it's not your cup of tea, but give it a chance if you don't know the story very well. It's pretty amazing what God did...

When Abraham was 75, God told him he would have more descendants than he could count, even though he didn't have any kids. 75 years old! I don't know about you, but I've not met a lot of 75 year-olds having kids. After 10 years of waiting and God NOT giving them kids, he and his wife Sarah took matters into their own hands and Abraham slept with Sarah's maidservant, Hagar - apparently doubting God's promise. That son was named Ishmael and from him came the Arab nation / Muhammad / Islam.

13 years after he was born, God FINALLY gave them a son...Isaac. Abraham was 99. Yowser. He'd definitely have been one of those guys that you assume is a grandparent, but is really the dad...or in this case, you'd assume he's like the great-great grandpa. "Impossible!" you say? "Clearly that's made up!" Look, if I didn't believe in an all-powerful God, I'd be inclined to agree with you. But I DO believe in an all-powerful God...so why would I doubt that He could do this?

Isaac had two sons: Esau and Jacob. Jacob was renamed "Israel" and through him came Judaism / Christianity. So, from Abraham's kids came both Islam and Christianity.

Jacob had 13 kids. Yikes! One of them was a guy named Judah, whose descendants include small names like King David and um, JESUS. But none of Jacob's family would have survived (and therefore fulfilled God's promise to Abraham) if it wasn't for what God did through another one of Jacob's kids...Joseph. To make a long story short, Joseph's brothers were jealous of him and sold him into slavery, landing him in Egypt. God rose him up to be second in command only to Pharaoh in all Egypt, and it was because of Joseph (and God speaking through him) that Egypt knew in advance that there would be a severe famine for 7 years. So they were ready for it, and no one else was...which eventually brought Joseph's brothers all the way down to Egypt to beg for food. The whole family ended up moving there, which saved the lives of Abraham's descendants. So, if God had not brought Joseph to Egypt (even though I'm sure it seemed horrible to him at the time), Abraham's descendants would have died of starvation, and God's promise would have not held up.

The cool thing is, Joseph somehow knew it was God's plan all along. When his brothers begged for forgiveness, he replied with "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

Pretty smooth, Joe. Maybe you're a doubter and think is all far-fetched. I'm not here to argue with you. But I am here to say that if you believe God can create something out of nothing (and if you don't believe He can, I'm not sure you understand the concept of "God"), why would you have a problem believing these incredible stories?

Is it so hard to believe that the God of the universe can give a 99 year old man a child? Or that He knew about the famine well in advance and moved people around to save Abraham's descendants? Or that a young virgin girl could give birth to the Son of God? Or that somehow Jesus' death and resurrection can save you from your rebellion against God?

And how hard is it to believe that God has a plan for your life and knows all, just as He did with Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Judah and Joseph? I know it can be hard to see because our view is limited. But God's view is NOT limited and He can do anything He wants. Believe it or not.

Maybe you don't understand Him or how He works, but would God really be God if you did? Who are we to claim we know more about how the world should operate than God? Let go and admit that you don't know everything.

January 6th, 2011

Thursday. 2:22 p.m.

The good: I've been making some changes to try to get ready (as well as one can get ready) for kids. I've been getting up consistently early to try to adjust my body somewhat for all the lack of sleep that's on the horizon. And I've been exercising each morning, eating better, and studying Scripture (going through a "Bible in a Year" program). I've pretty much always done the Scripture thing, but it's kind of nice having an e-mail reminder telling me what passages to read.

And while we haven't received our referral yet for our adoption, there have been several other families that have been approved...so things are moving! After exercising each morning, before I go to get my shower, I check the e-mail...just in case. What an incredible moment it will be when I see one titled "referral" and Erin and I get to see pictures of our kids for the first time. Tearing up just thinking about it!

I also found myself walking into each our kids rooms this morning to pray for them. Very cool.

The not-so-good: Well, I can't really go into details on here. It's nothing bad, really. Just reality...and a little frustrating / discouraging. BUT, as I told Erin, "If we haven't learned that God is faithful after all we've been through, we are truly dense." We would be complete idiots to think that God is somehow not in control anymore.

Actually, now that I'm writing this out and sorting out my thoughts, I guess it's really been a pretty good week! Funny how you can have so much good in your life and focus solely on the not-so-good, letting it control you.

10:15 a.m.

It is impossible for mere words to adequately express how I feel. Friday morning, Erin and I finally received our long-awaited "Letter of non-objection" from the Ministry in Rwanda!!!!!!

Everyone has been SO kind about it all and are truly excited for us, but most don't realize just how momentous of an occasion this was. And since this is published online and not a true personal journal, I can't divulge into ALL the details of what truly make it remarkable, but suffice it to say that if there was ANY doubt that God had called us to adopt from Rwanda, it's gone.

God has cleared the path in a way that only God could do. What a rush to step out in faith to do something that will absolutely fail if God is not behind it!!! Oh, how I wish more people would do that! Too many Christians are missing out.

For the first time in the 19 months that we've been on this journey, we feel like we can exhale. We can let ourselves be excited. And, man I have I been excited! I seriously can't sleep at night because I have a bagillion thoughts running through my noggin. I feel like little kid on Christmas Eve who can't sleep because they're thinking about all the presents under the tree.

And that's exactly what these kids are. Presents. Gifts from God. You may call it "blessed" - I call it spoiled.

And I know it's going to be harder than anything I've ever done and that it comes with enormous responsibility. But we're praying desperately that we never forget why we began this journey in the first place. These are kids who have no family. Who need a home. Who need a mom and a dad to guide them, and love them, and care for them, and teach them about life and God.

In the meantime, I need to pick up some Melatonin to help me sleep...

Feeling kind of "blah" today. Like I'm in a fog. Call it post-Thanksgiving blues or whatever, but I'm desperate to get back on track. Physically, spiritually, mentally.

It might be the copious amounts of food I seem to continue to consume, post holiday. It might be the overdose of football...something I was pretty convinced was not at all possible. It might be the lack of discipline to exercise for several weeks now, or the simple and sad truth that I tend to lack spiritual discipline during holidays and vacations.

Certainly, the whole adoption process isn't helping matters. Things are not exactly moving quickly. Rumors float about the adoption blogger world of just how long things are going to take, and frankly it's depressing. Today's one of those days where I'm just tired of waiting. I want to hold my kids.

It's no single thing that is causing my blahness - it's the cumulative result of all of them.

And yet I know that I'll soon snap out of it and all will be well. I'll stop consuming food at a Kobayashian rate and will cut back on the pigskin as well. I'll start exercising again and digging into Scripture. I'll stop staring so much at computer screens and television screens, and pay more attention to faces and creation. And even though I have zero control over our adoption process, at some point we WILL get our kids and the wait and frustration will be well worth it.

I am blessed beyond all reason. God, disturb my slumber.

November 22, 2010

Monday, 10:26 a.m.

My eyes might have been closed during the entire three songs. I was trying so hard to get into the right frame of mind and to think about power of the words I was lifting up. But the harder you try to worship, the further you get from it. It was just such a huge distraction for me, though I do think we succeeded in pulling off a time of authentic worship. People noticed the string breaking, but they moved on.

I didn't have any strings with me, so I had to drive home for a new one (thank goodness we live close!). On the drive, I was praying for God to use the worship despite the string, which of course is a silly thing to pray. We worship in response to God's movement, not in response to all the strings of a guitar remaining intact.

I also found myself praying for forgiveness for being so distracted. Another silly thing to pray. And then this thought popped into my head: Just because my head was in the wrong place doesn't necessarily mean my heart was in the wrong place. It was quite a comforting thought, really.

I think most people in my position would have been distracted. And I don't think God was all that concerned that I was having so much trouble focusing. What mattered to Him was my heart...and I'm proud to say that my heart was good. My intentions were good. My devotion had not wavered.

I think we tend to put a lot of undue stress on ourselves sometimes, trying so hard to do all the right things to make God happy, as if we could earn His love. Somehow, even though we all know better, we just can't get it through our thick noggins that God's main concern is our hearts, not our actions. Certainly, we should strive to please God. But what pleases God? Avoiding bad things and doing good things? Hardly. Our hearts trump all.

And not-so-surprisingly, at College Church last night, this is precisely what Michael Beaumont talked about. I say "not-so-surpsisingly" because I've noticed that this is how God does things when He's trying to teach me something. It keeps coming up. Over and over and over. And it's not coincidence and it's not that I'm just noticing it more because it's on my mind. It's because God is pursuing me relentlessly until I get it. So...thanks Michael for letting God use you (again).

How's your heart?

November 17th

Wednesday, 6:42 p.m.

Some days, God is hard to see. Others, He's quite obvious. Today, He was obvious.

This was my day.

Early this morning, I drove out to Palmetto Bluff here for a much-needed spiritual retreat. Most of my day was spent in silence. Just thinking and talking honestly with God. Listening. Reading Scripture. Absorbing creation.

I could think more clearly than I had in quite some time. It didn't take as long as usual to feel at peace again, something I was most grateful for because it meant I could thoroughly enjoy the rest of the day.

I think God was easier to see today because I made Him the priority. No technology got in my way. The day was blocked out for HIM. Oh, that more people would do this!

I am simply blown away by God's generosity in my life. He spoils me rotten. I am at peace again, the way I should always be...

I am unprepared to stand in the presence of You who breathed life in me

You are more faithful than the greatest friend

You are more loving than I can comprehend

I am unworthy to call You my Father

I am unworthy to call You my Friend

God in the highest, You have rescued me

I don't deserve You or the grace that You've shown by setting me free

Monday - 9:45 a.m.

Great weekend. Got a lot accomplished, relaxed some, and had a great time of worship with my church family. And tonight, we get to hang out with the Beaumont girls and watch the Colts!

It's officially "National Adoption Month." We're one week away from putting on this big ol' Adoption Fundraising Open House, which has consumed a large part of our time and energy lately...but we're excited!

It's interesting the reactions you get from people when you talk about fundraising. We've heard it all. Most people are very kind and supportive, but there are others that don't think we should have even started the process if we didn't have the money. And I can appreciate that. To many, it looks like we're just being irresponsible. That we should have planned better. That we should have at least had something set aside before we took off on this journey.

But what do you do when God clearly calls you to do something? Say, "Ummmm...sorry God. We'd like to, but now's not a good time for us financially"? Ha! I don't think so. Instead, we said, "Okay God. If you're asking us to do this, we need You to provide...because we've got nothing."

Oh, what we would have missed out on if we had not stepped out in faith. I still can't even fathom how it is that God has used the people in our lives to provide around $25,000. I can't even wrap my head around that number. I can't think of how it's even possible. It is truly a modern day miracle. God stepped in and did the extraordinary, doing what could not be done without Him. Don't try to tell me we've raise $25,000

That's why we will shout it from the mountaintops. That's why we talk unashamedly and quite specifically about our financial needs and about what He's already provided. If this was about us and what WE are doing, it probably should rub people the wrong way that we talk so openly about our money. But this is GOD'S story, not ours. When people hand us a check, we know it's because God moved their heart to do so in response to our cries for His provision. And He has not let us down. He has blown us away with His goodness!

So, really...the remaining $5000? Please. What basis would we have to worry about it? God will provide. And when He does, we will brag on Him.